I ran across a post from the "Grouchy Old Cripple
" the other day and got a little chuckle out of it. Naturally I'm stealing it.
Headlines from the year 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in seventh largest country in the world,
Mexifornia formally known as California!
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. (not
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. (actually, people will still be having sex, but scientists will still be stumped at how people manage it)
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. (hehe)
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. (hasn't this already happened?)
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (ok that one was mean, but I didn't write it! Just insert the name of someone you don't like.)
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. (actually I would expect something more like "rehabilitation" involving massive drugging, that or exile to Arkansas)
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. (average IQ remains unchanged)
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. (and shaving will be banned in order to remove the risk of deadly safety-razor muggings)
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. (I think this will happen sooner than 2029)
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. (and highest to 125 percent)
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.